Doctors Appointment Follow Up

Its been a few weeks but after some blood tests, ultrasounds and and a few other things the results are in. The ultrasound showed a small cyst on my left side that has been there since Abby was born. My OB at the time biopsied the cyst to be sure it wasn't cancerous, which obviously came back with good results. Since then the cyst appears to be shrinking but my OB will watch it over time.

As for my blood tests, there was a little more to be found there. My thyroid levels were within normal but on the low side of the scale. They had decreases since my last blood test but not by much. I will not be treated for hypothyroidism but I will be monitored. What was discovered with my blood tests is that I am Vitamin B-12 and Vitamin D deficient. The B-12 deficiency isn't horrible and is being treated with a low dose of over the counter vitamins. The Vitamin D deficiency, however, is pretty significant. I am being treated with a high dose of Vitamin D via OTC vitamins but if those don't work properly then its a prescription from there.

The lack of Vitamin D and B-12 may be the reason I find myself so fatigued and find it hard to lose weight even with proper diet and exercise. I am hoping that keeping up with a supplement regimen with help to rid myself of these deficiencies as well as change some of my current issues. Only time will tell, but at least I have some answers at this point. It feels good to finally start the ball rolling and figuring out what is going on for me. On to the next step!

First Doctors Appointment

I made it through the anxiety and the stress of a long over due first appointment with my doctor, my OBGYN. Not only did I have my annual check up, I was also given the chance to tell her all of the issues I have been having, the concerns I have and what I have been doing over the last little bit. She listened. That is all I have wanted for so long.

As for the outcome of my appointment, time will only tell. When all is said and done, I had a few tests done today. I will also go back in a few days for a fasting blood test to check a whole spectrum of issues that my doctor feels it could be. I will also go in for an ultrasound as well. No I am NOT pregnant and the ultrasound has nothing to do with that. After the results of all those tests are in, we will proceed further based on what is found. Until then, I wait patiently and try not to think about all of the possibilities.

I will be doing my best to eat well, keep moving and take care of myself. At the same time, I will not be putting my focus on actual weight loss until we have more answers. If there is something that is actually preventing me from losing, then my attempts to do so at the moment will just continue to add to the frustration and upset that I have been feeling.

Here is to hoping that I will finally have some answers, that none of those answers are serious to my health and that I can soon move forward with improving me and my health. Once again, fingers crossed...

Catching Up...

Its been far too long since my last post. I know that. I also know that I have said it several times before and that I would do a better job keeping up with things, but then life gets in the way. It always seems to have a funny way of doing that and its a great excuse to use. But in all honesty, things were building.

Along with losing sight of everything that I was attempting to do, I also started to notice more and more issues with my body and my health. I don't intend to go into detail at the moment but many of these issues began around the first of the year and have continued. Many of my symptoms have gotten worse as time went on and new symptoms began to pop up too. Weight gain is one of the hardest issues to see and I have struggled big time. Watching myself gain more, then lose a few pounds and then struggle just to keep them off made me feel even worse then I already did.

But... this afternoon I am finally going in to get some answers. I am going back to a doctor I trust and I know will listen to me. I am honestly terrified because I don't know what might happen but I also want answers. Fingers crossed...

MIA

Hey All...

I know I have been MIA for over 2 months now and I am so sorry. Life has been a zoo and I have neglected a lot of things, including my goals and my blogs. Between parties, recital, and some health issues my focus has been placed elsewhere.  I will be back though starting this week, I promise. I miss blogging too much and I miss that fact that I was feeling great before life became complicated again. I will be back and sorry for the absence!

Results

I have decided not to set certain weigh in days like once every week or two weeks on a specific day. Doing so added pressure and a race with myself that generally became toxic and counterproductive. Now I have decided to weigh in when I feel I should and when I feel confident about everything I have done. As a note, I do weigh myself at the same time of day though for the most accurate results. I was always told to weigh in in the morning just after waking up and using the restroom. So I do just that.

So this morning I woke up and decided to step on the scale. Yes I know... its only been a few days but you never know what might happen and I was feeling confident.  To my surprise I had lost already! How much you ask?... 3.2 Pounds! I have a feeling that since this is a lot for just three days its due to the water retention from drinking soda, which I have stopped doing and the fact that I do not feel bloated and full anymore now that the Gluten and Dairy have been removed from my diet and I am starting to see the results. It may be a fluke and I cant always loose that much in such a short amount of time but its a nice start to it all! It feels good to get results!

Inspiration and Goals

As I get older, I find that inspiration and support can come from many different places. Most likely the best of this comes from family and friends. There was a time when I found myself feeling very alone in the way I felt, battling with weight and dealing with issues that left me feeling sick a lot. My problem was that I kept it all inside and didn't talk a lot about it. After starting work to fix myself and feel good mentally I noticed that doors were opening and there were a lot of people in my life that could relate, be a support system and could provide tough love when needed but an understanding ear as well.

After receiving a message from a dear friend and family member, I have even more inspiration and a lot of new insight. Without even knowing it, i learned that she struggles with some of the same issues I do. She works hard and has found a lot of things that have helped her to be successful in her journey to a happier and healthier person. I took a lot of what she had to say to heart.  One of the things that stood out to me though was about setting goals. Up to this point I was setting large goals, looking at the fact that I needed to loose about 120 pounds. When I look at that number, it overwhelms me, frustrates me and makes me sad. I dwell on all of the negative things that brought me to this point. When that happens, I find myself being the victim, feeling sorry for myself and I revert back to things that helped to get me to this. Trying to meet a goal like that was self destructive and honestly a negative way took look at things. Instead of looking at the large long term picture, I am going to start small giving myself goals that are within reach and not so daunting. Eventually you set a new goal, and then another and another until finally they add up to the original large goal. So starting today, my new goal is 20 pounds. I am not going to even give myself a timeline. I just want to lose 20 pounds, which could translate to a loss of two sizes. (It's said that every 10 to 15 pounds is one size depending on the person). That is something I can be happy with and live with.

Therefore, in the corner of my blog you will see the weight banner change. Instead of the full goal, it will only be 20 pounds. As I set more goals, you will eventually be able to see the overall progress but for now, as once said by Bill Murray and Richard Dreyfus in What About Bob?... BABY STEPS.

Back in Business ... A Whole Day and a Half!

Well ladies and gentleman, I am back in business.  OK, that might sound a little strange and possibly inappropriate.  When I say I am back in business, I mean that I am back on track with all I need to be doing. I have been Gluten Free, Dairy Free AND Soda Free for a day and a half now. I know that doesn't seem like much but I am baby stepping my way back into this. Yesterday was a struggle as I found myself and my body cravings things I shouldn't have. The gluten and soda were easy in all honesty, but it was the dairy that I found myself having to find extra strength with. I wanted so badly to have some cheese or some yogurt, but I backed away and remained strong. This morning was a bit easier and by lunch I was selecting things without hesitation. Its only been a day and a half so I expect more struggles and temptations but for now I feel good. It also helps that I tossed out a bunch of stuff that my hubby and the girls wont miss that could potentially be a downfall for me.

Now that I am getting back into the swing of things and feeling pretty good my next step is to start being more conscious of the calories I eat. I totaled up yesterdays in take, and yes that included drinks and condiments, and I did pretty well. A little high for my set goal but not overkill. I have to take one thing at a time and I knew I couldn't sit and count calories while still trying to learn to eat so that I don't end up sick. Once I can get into for a week, then I can move to the next step. As I have said before, I am one of those people that if I get too overwhelmed it all just falls apart. Being able to admit that fact is an excellent step too. Being healthy isn't just about the physical, its about the mental as well.

Kale... My New Obsession

Kale has become my new obsession. Finally!  Something I can obsess over that is healthy and extremely good for you! Kale is a leafy green that is packed with great vitamins and minerals. For  little more information regarding Kale's health benefits Click Here.

As with all vegetables, what you get from it nutritionally depends on how you cook it. Luckily, you can saute' Kale and lose close to nothing when it comes to all the important stuff. That is how I
 have been cooking it lately and its amazing. All you need is some olive oil, your Kale of course, salt, pepper, red pepper flakes, and garlic. I chop up the Kale into smaller bite size pieces. As a note Trader Joe's has bagged Kale that has already been washed and cut into perfect size pieces. All of the ingredients are to taste so I do not have specific measurements. I combine everything in a pan and cook the Kale until it is a bright green. Just remember that when it comes to Red Pepper flakes, a little goes a long way.

This is a great for lunch time or dinner as a side or you can add more to it, like chicken or quinoa and make it an entree. I love Kale and hope to find some great recipes using this wonderful source of vitamins and minerals.

Where Did I Go?

Oh I have been terrible at blogging these few weeks. Its been pretty busy but mostly with fun and exciting things. I have cheated one too many times with the GF and DF diet, but I was relentlessly reminded why I cannot eat those things. My strength and will power has been better as of late and I hope to finally post that I have been more then a few days G and D free. Now I move forward!

PS for those who aren't familiar the abbreviations used above are as follows:
GF = Gluten Free
DF = Diary Free

Just A Little More Inspiration...

A Much Needed Re-Start. and Some Amazing Inspiration

Tomorrow I begin a re-start in my gluten free and dairy free diet. I have been off and on for a few weeks now and I am back to feeling just average to poor. It wont be easy and I am sure I will go through the usual "withdrawals" (ie craving cheese, sugar and my favorite breads) but I am excited to get past that and to feeling better. At this point its not even about the weight but the chance to feel wonderful and live a more fulfilling life. The weight loss will follow but its not my main focus anymore.

With this re-start I also feel a little more empowered as a woman, thanks to an actress that I love and admire. Recently Ashley Judd has been ripped apart by the media for her appearance in her new drama series Missing. Her so called "puffiness" and nearly flawless skin must be the result of cosmetic alteration and her "weight gain" should leave her cautious that her husband may just want to up and leave her for a younger and skinnier version. Generally quiet and unresponsive when it comes to media speculation, Ashley Judd spoke out about the recent comments and it struck a chord with me. Therefore, I would like to share it with all of you in hopes that it speaks to you and gives you the power to change the way you think of others and yourself. Its time that we reverse the damage that the media and Hollywood have done to men and women alike when it comes to self esteem and body image. As a culture, if we can change how we value people, we can take a step towards reversing the obesity epidemic and the large spectrum of eating and addiction disorders. Thank you to Ashley Judd for speaking out!

The Conversation about women’s bodies exists largely outside of us, while it is also directed at (and marketed to) us, and used to define and control us. The Conversation about women happens everywhere, publicly and privately. We are described and detailed, our faces and bodies analyzed and picked apart, our worth ascertained and ascribed based on the reduction of personhood to simple physical objectification. Our voices, our personhood, our potential, and our accomplishments are regularly minimized and muted.

As an actor and woman who, at times, avails herself of the media, I am painfully aware of the conversation about women’s bodies, and it frequently migrates to my own body. I know this, even though my personal practice is to ignore what is written about me. I do not, for example, read interviews I do with news outlets. I hold that it is none of my business what people think of me. I arrived at this belief after first, when I began working as an actor 18 years ago, reading everything. I evolved into selecting only the “good” pieces to read. Over time, I matured into the understanding that good and bad are equally fanciful interpretations. I do not want to give my power, my self-esteem, or my autonomy, to any person, place, or thing outside myself. I thus abstain from all media about myself. The only thing that matters is how I feel about myself, my personal integrity, and my relationship with my Creator. Of course, it’s wonderful to be held in esteem and fond regard by family, friends, and community, but a central part of my spiritual practice is letting go of otheration. And casting one’s lot with the public is dangerous and self-destructive, and I value myself too much to do that.

However, the recent speculation and accusations in March feel different, and my colleagues and friends encouraged me to know what was being said. Consequently, I choose to address it because the conversation was pointedly nasty, gendered, and misogynistic and embodies what all girls and women in our culture, to a greater or lesser degree, endure every day, in ways both outrageous and subtle. The assault on our body image, the hypersexualization of girls and women and subsequent degradation of our sexuality as we walk through the decades, and the general incessant objectification is what this conversation allegedly about my face is really about.

A brief analysis demonstrates that the following “conclusions” were all made on the exact same day, March 20, about the exact same woman (me), looking the exact same way, based on the exact same television appearance. The following examples are real, and come from a variety of (so-called!) legitimate news outlets (such as HuffPo, MSNBC, etc.), tabloid press, and social media:

One: When I am sick for more than a month and on medication (multiple rounds of steroids), the accusation is that because my face looks puffy, I have “clearly had work done,” with otherwise credible reporters with great bravo “identifying” precisely the procedures I allegedly have had done.

Two: When my skin is nearly flawless, and at age 43, I do not yet have visible wrinkles that can be seen on television, I have had “work done,” with media outlets bolstered by consulting with plastic surgeons I have never met who “conclude” what procedures I have “clearly” had. (Notice that this is a “back-handed compliment,” too—I look so good! It simply cannot possibly be real!)

Three: When my 2012 face looks different than it did when I filmed Double Jeopardy in 1998, I am accused of having “messed up” my face (polite language here, the F word is being used more often), with a passionate lament that “Ashley has lost her familiar beauty audiences loved her for.”

Four: When I have gained weight, going from my usual size two/four to a six/eight after a lazy six months of not exercising, and that weight gain shows in my face and arms, I am a “cow” and a “pig” and I “better watch out” because my husband “is looking for his second wife.” (Did you catch how this one engenders competition and fear between women? How it also suggests that my husband values me based only on my physical appearance? Classic sexism. We won’t even address how extraordinary it is that a size eight would be heckled as “fat.”)

Five: In perhaps the coup de grace, when I am acting in a dramatic scene in Missing—the plot stating I am emotionally distressed and have been awake and on the run for days—viewers remarks ranged from “What the f--k did she do to her face?” to cautionary gloating, “Ladies, look at the work!” Footage from “Missing” obviously dates prior to March, and the remarks about how I look while playing a character powerfully illustrate the contagious and vicious nature of the conversation. The accusations and lies, introduced to the public, now apply to me as a woman across space and time; to me as any woman and to me as every woman.

That women are joining in the ongoing disassembling of my appearance is salient. Patriarchy is not men. Patriarchy is a system in which both women and men participate. It privileges, inter alia, the interests of boys and men over the bodily integrity, autonomy, and dignity of girls and women. It is subtle, insidious, and never more dangerous than when women passionately deny that they themselves are engaging in it. This abnormal obsession with women’s faces and bodies has become so normal that we (I include myself at times—I absolutely fall for it still) have internalized patriarchy almost seamlessly. We are unable at times to identify ourselves as our own denigrating abusers, or as abusing other girls and women.

A case in point is that this conversation was initially promulgated largely by women; a sad and disturbing fact. (That they are professional friends of mine, and know my character and values, is an additional betrayal.)

News outlets with whom I do serious work, such as publishing op-eds about preventing HIV, empowering poor youth worldwide, and conflict mineral mining in Democratic Republic of Congo, all ran this “story” without checking with my office first for verification, or offering me the dignity of the opportunity to comment. It’s an indictment of them that they would even consider the content printable, and that they, too, without using time-honored journalistic standards, would perpetuate with un-edifying delight such blatantly gendered, ageist, and mean-spirited content.

I hope the sharing of my thoughts can generate a new conversation: Why was a puffy face cause for such a conversation in the first place? How, and why, did people participate? If not in the conversation about me, in parallel ones about women in your sphere? What is the gloating about? What is the condemnation about? What is the self-righteous alleged “all knowing” stance of the media about? How does this symbolize constraints on girls and women, and encroach on our right to be simply as we are, at any given moment? How can we as individuals in our private lives make adjustments that support us in shedding unconscious actions, internalized beliefs, and fears about our worthiness, that perpetuate such meanness? What can we do as families, as groups of friends? Is what girls and women can do different from what boys and men can do? What does this have to do with how women are treated in the workplace?

I ask especially how we can leverage strong female-to-female alliances to confront and change that there is no winning here as women. It doesn’t actually matter if we are aging naturally, or resorting to surgical assistance. We experience brutal criticism. The dialogue is constructed so that our bodies are a source of speculation, ridicule, and invalidation, as if they belong to others—and in my case, to the actual public. (I am also aware that inevitably some will comment that because I am a creative person, I have abdicated my right to a distinction between my public and private selves, an additional, albeit related, track of highly distorted thinking that will have to be addressed at another time).

If this conversation about me is going to be had, I will do my part to insist that it is a feminist one, because it has been misogynistic from the start. Who makes the fantastic leap from being sick, or gaining some weight over the winter, to a conclusion of plastic surgery? Our culture, that’s who. The insanity has to stop, because as focused on me as it appears to have been, it is about all girls and women. In fact, it’s about boys and men, too, who are equally objectified and ridiculed, according to heteronormative definitions of masculinity that deny the full and dynamic range of their personhood. It affects each and every one of us, in multiple and nefarious ways: our self-image, how we show up in our relationships and at work, our sense of our worth, value, and potential as human beings. Join in—and help change—the Conversation.

If you would like to view the article itself, please click here .

Gluten and Hormones

Since going Gluten and Dairy Free I have followed a a few people on Facebook and through blogs that specialize in the subject. Most of them are attached to my blog if anyone is interested. While I am very careful with the information on the internet, knowing that you can find any answer that suits your needs and it may not always be the truth, I did read a few articles that I found interesting.

Since having children, the weight has been difficult to lose (except during pregnancy where I lost nearly 30 pounds with each baby) my mood swings can be out of control at times and I just haven't felt like myself. I have wondered if my hormones were out of balance. Its a possibility that these issues and Gluten/Dairy sensitivities are connected. Click here to read an article I found through Dr. Peter Osborne, who specializes in Celiacs Disease and Gluten sensitivities. I am hoping this might be true and with time and a Gluten and Dairy free diet, I will see some change without having to go through tests and medications.

The Battle

Fighting with your body is rough. Your brain says one thing but other parts say another. I fight this all of the time and I swear I will eventually learn my lesson. In fact, I am learning my lesson but its in very small baby steps. The first few weeks of going Gluten and Dairy free is tough and when I fell off the wagon I did a dumb thing... well yeah, the dumb thing was falling off the wagon. After nearly a month I was finally adjusting to it, feeling good and enjoying the benefits. When I caved I started a snowball that I have slowed but I have yet to get rid of.

But, everytime I try to steer away from what I am supposed to do I am quickly reminded that its not a good idea. The physical reminders that leave me sitting in a hot bath for an hour or more and trying to get through the stomach pain. Its tough but I will get there and feel great and even better then I have before. It takes time, patience and strength in the battle with my body but I will get there!

It's Been Too Long...

It's been too long since I posted last; too many excuses, too busy and completely unfocused, too frustrated. I thought about giving up on the blog but then after thinking long and hard about it I knew I would be giving up not just on the blog but on all of the things I set out to do. I refuse to quit. So I am back with new goals in mind and a better attitude to reach them with. So now I move forward, no complaints or excuses. Thanks for hanging in there with me.

Starting Over With Weigh Ins...

This morning I decided that with my slip up and re-setting my counter, I would start again with my weigh in's. Despite giving into my weakness I do have a pretty firm grasp on the knowledge and the tools I need to be Gluten and Dairy free. So now it comes down to continuously applying them, working out and staying focused. With that in my mind, I now need to hold myself accountable on the scale as well. So I stepped on it this morning...

To my suprise I was 1.2 pounds lighter then the last weigh in. Yes, that was done over 2 months ago but I still think a loss is a loss. I was so focused on learning to be Gluten and Dairy free that I did lose sight in other areas, but thats ok. I am focused now and looking forward to the road ahead. And with that I am off! Hopefully I will see some results at the next weigh in!

21 Days and then...

I slipped. Not this wasn't a small, "woops there was a little water on the floor, that was a close one". It was a slip that led into a long fall down the side of a mountain. 21 Days of hard work and then I screwed up. Yes I let Gluten and Dairy pass these lips. I lost my mind and ate way more then I should have, thinking to myself, "I really don't have an issue with these foods, its all in my head". I think in any addiction program that is what they call, DENIAL and its generally the first step you have to get past.

No need to shake your finger at me though, I am doing that at myself already. I am also being punished. No I am not 12 again, sitting in my room without TV, my phone or my iPod. Unlike most people who take on a diet to lose weight and then cheat a little and then hop right back on the next day with only their guilt, I am punished physically. Instead my choice to eat these forbidden foods results in several days worth of feeling downright horrible, something I havent felt in nearly 21 days.

But, I cannot dwell on my mistake. Instead I pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again. I will be Gluten and Dairy free again and every time I go to pick up something I shouldn't, I have the reminder of how I felt when I did consume it. And now, its off to eat some breakfast with these things in mind. Once again, Thanks for the support!

16 Days!

Today I marked my 16th day of being Gluten and Dairy Free. Can you believe it, 16 days! Honestly, I am amazed that this this much time has passed since I began. I cant say the process has been easy but it hasnt been impossible either. Its just a matter of becoming accustomed to what I can and cannot eat. At home, its not a problem because I can make everything and be extra careful about what I eat. Going out, however, is another issue. I just have to remember to check a restaurants website for an allergy menu and do a bit of research before I go. That or I just have to get over being afraid to ask questions and get the restaurant to work within my limitations.

The adjustment will take time, but I know it wont take forever. I have a few cookbooks on my list that I plan to get, as well as recipes from other blogs anf websites that I really want to try. While I have been good about eating lots of fruit and veggies, I still want a sweet treat every now and then. My next challenge will be to learn how to bake Gluten Free. I have done some research and it seems as though baking Gluten Free can be a bit of an art form. Often times you need to try a recipe several times and make adjustments before you get it right. So my next project will be trying some things out, seeing what works and what doesn't and go from there. I guess only time will tell. Until then, I continue on. I have to say I am feeling a bit better with each day that passes. Its nice to know something is working!

Schar Mutilgrain Bread

After my near meltdown at Whole Foods, part of which was due to price, I started looking into other options. At Whole Foods I purchased a loaf of Udi's Gluten Free bread. It was very small and pricey at $6.99 for the loaf. I tried it and even though it wasn't as moist and tasty as my usual Orrowheat MultiGrain bread, it was something I knew I could continue eating and enjoy. The issue that continued to linger was the price, so I began to check out other options.

While at Fresh and Easy I decided to check out their Gluten Free selection. Its not huge but it has some of the basics. The only loaf of Whole Grain bread they had was the one you see pictured below. The loaf looked at bit larger and the price was a little over $2 less then the Udi's brand, so I figured I would give it a try.

The verdict... I will pay the extra $2 for the Udi's brand. While the loaf was a bit larger it was dry. Dry, dry and oh yes, dry. SO dry that most of the slices left in the little container it comes in wont come out whole. They are too crumbly to remove in one piece. The flavor is pretty dull too. The one difference I will note is that the Udi's brand is kept frozen in store while the Schar brand can be found on the shelf. Schar does make a frozen version of this bread that I hope to try. Maybe that will make the difference. Until then, I will give the Schar Gluten Free Multigrain Bread a C- for the moment. I plan to start making my own bread at home but until then I will pay the extra money for the better bread.

Thank You Red Robin!

Yes, Thank You Red Robin! Even though they do not state it on their menu, if ask your server they can make your burger with Gluten Free buns! I was ok with the idea of just lettuce wrapping my burger or sandwich if need be, but I took a chance and asked because I really just wanted the full burger. Yay! I was very excited and they carry about 4 burgers and 4 chicken sandwhiches that are gluten free too! It was music to my ears. I am also very lucky that I am not so sensitive to Gluten that even cross contamination is an issue for me. This allowed me to enjoy a few fries as well because they make their fries Gluten Free, although they are cooked near other items that are not. But, like I said, this was not an issue for me. There is hope for dining out!

All It Took Was a Trip to Whole Foods

Imagine this. You are standing in the middle of Whole Foods on a busy night during the after work rush. You have the smallest loaf of bread you have ever seen priced at $6.99 in one hand and a tub of dairy free, gluten free buttery spread priced at $4.99 in the other. From the outside you look like yet another person just trying to get through your shopping trip and get home to family but on the inside, its different. On the inside you are screaming like a little kid throwing a tantrum in the middle of the toy aisle at Target. While you might be trying to imagine this, I know exactly how you feel because tonight, this is exactly what happened to me.

"Why does this cost so much!? I am going to starve to death!! This isn't fair, I want to eat that yummy loaf of moist whole grain bread that costs half the price!! I am going to go broke just trying to give myself the basics!! Where's my mommy??"

Yup, I sat there staring at the items in my hand, yelling these questions to myself. I even became so overwhelmed and fed up with shopping that I called my mom to ask her how much the loaf she purchased for me while we had been visiting cost. It was almost as though it was a conspiracy against me. Because I live in California and the Los Angeles area for that matter, they must be price gouging me. But no, she paid about the same price.

Eventually I gathered up all of my items, my cheddar flavored fake cheese, my fake mayonnaise, my gluten free pretzels, and some fruits and veggies paid for them and headed home. By that point I had come back to reality and a sane level of thinking. I opened up my pretzels, bracing myself for the taste only to discover that there wasn't much of a difference between these and the regular ones I used to eat. Same went for the cookies. I made a sandwich for dinner that night with my tiny bread, my fake mayonnaise, my fake cheese, some tomato and some expensive deli turkey only to find that it pretty decent. I reminded myself that I was probably the only one in the family who will eat this stuff, so it will last longer and the price wont be as big of an issue as I had thought while looking at the prices at Whole Foods.

I finally came back to reality and realized I wont starve to death and I wont murder anyone because I am hungry. I can still eat some of the things I enoyed and even if they do taste different, they are still good and I can adjust. I realized that even though I now have ventured into a new way of living, I still might be able to enjoy the food I eat. All it took was my first big trip at Whole Foods, post Gluten Free diagnosis, to realize this.

A Book With a Personal Touch

When we returned home from our vacation in Montana and survived the holidays and all the yummy stuff it throws in your face I started to research a Gluten and Dairy Free diet. I found a lot of great websites and blogs that provided a ton in information. However, I wanted something that I could keep with me at all times as well as something a bit more personal, so I turned to Amazon. Of course there about a billion books out there but this one caught my eye. And so far its been a great buy!


Yes, the book is by Elizabeth Hasselbeck, the queen of morning talk show controversy. I know she is reviled by many for her very outspoken and very conservative views but honestly I don't care. Politics and opinions aside, she is someone who has suffered and fought and learned how to live and love life with Celiacs Disease. While she is very honest and straight forward about what lies ahead with a G Free Diet, she also makes it very postive and not as hopeless as one might think. She also breaks down what can and cannot be consumed on a Gluten free diet with pretty detailed lists and descriptions. I have more to read but so far I love it! I recommened it to anyone who is embarking on a Gluten free diet, whether willingly or due to health reasons.

First Great Product Find...

I went out for just a moment today and in my depression about nothing to eat I found this. Its Ice Cream! I have had Soy Ice Cream before and found it to be good but I wanted to try a product made with coconut milk. Many of the Gluten Free recipes I have seen, especially baking recipes, call for the use of coconut milk in place of milk, cream and sometimes even butter. And I have to say, this one is a winner! The texture is slightly different but still tastes the same to me! I think the coconut milk keeps it nice and creamy and masks the fact that its not actual cream. Overall I think I would give this one an A-, which is pretty good if you ask me. There is light at the end of the tunnel and I can still have some of my favorite treats too!

What Am I Going to Eat?

I haven't had a lot of time today to do much of anything let alone go out and get groceries. I thought I could survive today if I didn't make it to the grocery store but that is proving to be a problem. Because we were gone most of my produce is spoiled and lets face it, most products contain Gluten or Dairy or both. You would be amazed, but even lunch meant is off limits depending on how its made. Most use a filler that contains some form of gluten. Until I can make it to the store, what will I eat? So far its been Veggie sticks, an apple, water and some carrots. I see crankiness and hunger in my future. I cannot wait to get to the store and find something I can eat!

New Year, New Beginnings and A New Lifestyle Change

A belated Happy New Year to everyone! The holidays have passed, a new year has begun and I see a lot of changes in my future. The last month and a half was busy, very busy. At first I didn't think I would have time for myself but then I realized that I needed to make time. I think it was well worth my time.

After having both girls I noticed some changes, some big ones. Despite losing weight during pregnancy and being at least 40 pounds lighter then I was when I first discovered I was pregnant after giving birth, I would gain it all back. Fast. I had trouble nursing the girls as well. After my first was born, I started having attacks involving my stomach that caused excruciating pain through my stomach and back. On one occasion it was so bad it landed me in the emergency room and had me leaving on pain medication and only one answer, its not your gallbladder but we don't know whats wrong. It may just be bad gas pains. These attacks have occurred off and on since, occurring several times during my pregnancy with my second child with a new symptom, vomiting.

A few months after my second child was born I started having major issues with my skin. Acne, bumps that would not go away, redness and more. I tried everything that I could to get rid of it but it just persisted and became worse. I went from beautiful clear skin that allowed me to leave the house without makeup on and not feel insecure to needing to cover up all of the time. Between my weight gain and my horrible skin, my self confidence was almost nonexistent.

Finally in December I decided to take control of things. I went to the dermatologist to figure out what was wrong with my skin. My dermatologist is amazing and I learned a lot at my appointment. She looked at my skin but then asked me about my digestive health. I told her about all of my issues and how they have gotten worse over the years. From there she explained a few things and what I should consider doing.

To start, I was diagnosed with Rosacea, which is what I thought it was. My dermatologist is very much in line with taking natural solutions and trying them before using major medications as treatment. Based on my information regarding my digestive health she told me that I should cut Gluten and Dairy out of my diet. My issues with Rosacea could stem from Gluten and Dairy sensitivities that effect my stomach which in turn effects other aspects of my health, like my skin.

Armed with information and the thought that this could help more then just my skin, I begin a Gluten and Dairy Free diet tomorrow. I had hoped to start the day she told me but I knew it would be difficult to begin something this intensive on a road trip. I feel lucky that there is a lot more availble today for those people who need a Gluten Free diet then there was five years ago. I have found several blogs (which I have attached to mine) that give a lot of information and some great recipes as well. Its going to be a hard road but one that hopefully has a lot to feel good about at the end of it. So here is to Gluten Free and the hope that I do not harm anyone in the first few weeks of this change! And once again, thank you to all of those who have been there to support me. You mean the world to me.